I Want To Be Half As Amazing As You

I am an avid stalker of post secret and a few weeks ago I read quite possibly my favourite post secret ever, it said something along the lines of ‘Most people don’t want to be anything like their parents but I hope I’m half as amazing as you’ . It made me smile all day, it is exactly how I feel, my parents are the most amazing people in the world. I am so lucky to have grown up in a loving and supportive home with both of them along with my sister. We have definitely had our fights over the years but they have always supported me in my decisions and let me make my own mistakes. They treat and respect me as an adult and I always return the same for them.

I have some friends who think it’s weird that my parents and I are so close, when I’m sworn to secrecy from a friend and I can’t keep it in, I know my mum will listen and tell me what I need to hear. When something is upsetting me, I know my dad will threaten to kill whoever or whatever is making me upset and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I don’t think it’s weird that we’re close, I find it close that they aren’t close with their parents, you’ve only got two and they’re yours and nine times out of ten they’ve probably done everything they could possibly do for you.

I have a friend who used to constantly belittle her dad, tell everyone how much she hated him and wished he wasn’t her father. This man had never done anything to deserve this, yes, maybe at times he was a little harsh, but he never laid a finger on her, never deserved that type of disrespect and I used to get so angry and so upset at her for speaking about him like that until I realised not everyone is as fortunate as I am, no one has had her upbringing, her parents or her life, we don’t know what arguments go on behind closed doors or what things are happening. I chose to use that motto for my own life. No one but my sister and I have been raised by our parents, given the values, morals and upbringing they have given us and still, no one knows what goes on behind closed doors.

My parents have both worked extremely hard to get to where they are today and they are still in love, they have been married over 15 years and my dad still always holds my mums hand in the car and always gives her a kiss when he gets home from work.

They put up with me through the worst of my teenage years. I was a wreck and they pulled me out of it, got me the help I needed and straightened me back out. They saved me from myself, something I thought I would never get out of. When I made terrible mistakes they never judged or said I told you so, they would let me figure things out on my own, and I love them for that. I love them for having enough faith and respect in me that I could get myself out of 90% of the situations I’d put myself in. They always gave me great advice and told me I could be whatever I wanted to be, they supported me when I told them I wanted to go to uni, then when I decided I didn’t want to go anymore, then supported me again when I decided I wanted to go back to uni and I wanted to do it somewhere else, they supported my decision to move out of home and move away. I have had nothing but support from them. Every time we speak on the phone the last thing I say is I love you and that’s the last thing I hear back. Every time my dad comes to visit, I see the excitement in his face and the tears in his eyes he tries to hide that show the worry and concern that his eldest is living all alone.

My friends have very different opinions of my parents then I do, first impressions of my dad are usually ‘he’s scary’ and of my mum ‘she’s so sweet’. My opinion is the complete opposite. Although yes, when you physically look at my dad he doesn’t give off the most comforting vibe, he is a big man, who works hard and doesn’t like small talk while the soccer is on, but he is the sweetest and most caring man and he’s not afraid to show his emotions, or wear a pink shirt to work, after a while when my friends get to know him, they seem to realise he’s not actually scary, he is exactly like me and he’s passionate and he’s got some pretty excellent lame dad jokes and actually, the first impression of my mum is usually always right, minus the fact they all think she’s 5+ years younger than she actually is which always makes her smile. I love her because she always teaches me to always live in simplicity and therefore she deserves to be called as the greatest role model for me.

When I grow up and have kids, that’s what I want to be like, exactly like my parents, the way they raised me is the way I want to raise any future children I may have. I don’t care if friends say it’s weird that I’m close with my parents, I find it weird that you’re not. My parents are the two most important and influential people in my life, and I want to be half as amazing as them.

another date, another story

today was such a lil bit weird day. first, I had lunch at Bugis and shared table with an-old-fvking man who was insisting on flirting to me. hell yeah, I felt like throwing my plate toward his face. second, the MRT captain waved at me when I was about to aboard the train. gross.

Other than that, today was another "awesome date" that I have with him. As always, he who likes to go to Esplanade asked me to go there to watch concert. again and again (actually it's only been twice. hehe) Oh well, last nite he called me for nearly one hour after long-time-didn't-phone. Dozen of sillyness we made, such as I asked him to sing and ngaji for me and he really did it. HAHA. then.. I also said that I'd love to try to take the bus with him because I think it's gonna be romansome (romantic + awesome). You know right, bus in singapore is quite decent. You possibly fall asleep there. I mean, if we are comparing to bus in Indonesia, I can say here is pretty much better. Doesn't mean to insult my own country but it really is.

So there I was, Esplanade to meet him. We made appointment at 6 and I reached there before six. I couldn't find him so I went to toilet first. Finished, then I saw him sitting nicely with his iphone. I sat right next to him and he didn't even great me for almost 15 minutes. I was such a dumb, sitting next to him while he was busy with his iphone listening to the music and pretending as if none was sitting by him. Until finally he sms-ed me while he was playing with his phone, "so u dun wanna say hi first huh? u r the one who's late". NO NO NO NO! I didn't want to say hi first bcs I was the one who came first!ly I'm a stubborn if I know that I am right. So, he eventually greeted me first. We broke the ice! hehe

I dunno if there's special occasion today but there were so many people in Esplanade. We don't like crowds. So.. after waiting for half and an hour, we decided to go out of concert hall. Dumby. Haha. We went to the rooftop of Esplanade which is I've never been there before. Oh heaven, turns out that's awesome! You can see Marina Park from there!!! We sat for a while there. I asked him whether he had dinner with the Snigles today or not, ended up he cajoled me to have dinner with them.

Oh no!! Means, I got to meet Wann and Suhaimi again. I've met them previously yet when I was dating with Shah you know! So today I met him with another guy who is Shah's friend!! HAH! chilled, I ensured my self that I really gotta meet them bcs it would be happen sooner or later. Finally, I had really met them, we had dinner at the food court first . There, I quoted one of Wann's word. She was telling us about her stiry with Suhaimi. (well, Wann's story is lil bit similar to mine of which she's ex of Suhaimi best friend before the got married). If I'm not mistaken, it was like "yeah, I know that you don't like me at first! You just put a pity on me! From pity than turned into liking and from liking it finally became love". When I heard that, I was kinda amazed. I saw Syaff, he was like amazed as well. you know why? because it seems like that words really represents us. hemjh ok, forget it.

Finished for dinner, we moved and were chilling out at Starbucks. I BROKE THE ICE! Turns out, Wann and Neneh are nuts over the bag, like me. SO we talked a lot about bag there. Also, they insinuated me with the words "frying chicken" hehehe.

After about two hours hung out at Starbucks, he sent me home and we did took the bus! HURRAY!! Well, why do I seem so happy? because I like to take the bus! actually I prefer take the bus to train if I'm not in hurry. Because if you take the bus, you can see the downtown. So there we were, in the bus. We talked and laughed a lot., he hugged me tightly we sang together, and I assisted him to peel his sprue. Syaff is having sprue. So sad of him :(

So, done for today. It was just a simple date tho, but as long as I'm with him, it could so romansome. at least, for me. Plus somehow, I have a feeling that he starts to like me. He has a feeling for me even if just 10%. I can feel it from the way he hugs me. another point, Wann said this to me before we seperated "Gud bye Dinda, you should hang out with us more often!". I'm happy, means, snigles starts to accept me. Thanks for tonite, Syaff. Hope to meet you as soon as possible.

Ps: Syaff has got a new postition in his office. he's now is a IT exscutive! he gave me his name card. oh I'm such a proudy girlfriend -ups- dating!


Love,
DindaZein

The most romantic date is cooking together ♥

He came over my house today. He was going to Botanical Garden to picnic with Snigles but he came by to see me first. It's been more than a week since we met. So, we kinda like miss each other.

I was so sleepy since I slept at 4 am last nite due to work on my assignments. When he came in, I was asleep and he woke me up by kissing my forehead. He looked good wearing short pants, tee and so not forgetting his cute glasses. Then we were hugging tightly. I had cooked for him first earlier. Only Indomie Goreng Special tho, but thankfully he pretty much liked it. He was saying like "awesome! how do you know that I like this?". aaah once I heard it, seemed like all of my fatigue was gone instantly. the sweat paid off :-)

After which, we cooked again. He brought chicken wings for lunch in the picnic. The chix haven't fried yet still have already marinated. So, together we were frying at the kitchen. While we were frying, he hugged me, we made jokes, we talked a lot, until we eventually ate for lunch together at dining table. There, we made meaningful conversations.

Me : I only ask you one thing, please let me know if you are dating with another girl
Him : *smile*
Me : Are you dating with another but me?
Him : No
Me : I just don't want to see or find out you turn out date with another girl on my own
Him : No, I'm not. believe me, I have no time to date with another girl. I still enjoy to date with you afterall

I smiled and so did him.

When he was about to go out, there was a call from his colleague. It took about nearly 20 minutes until I eventually fell asleep. Then he touched my hands and kissed my cheek, my nose and my forehead before he got home and said "I'm going out. thank you for Mie Goreng, it's nice". I was like sincerely smiling afterward :-)

In a nut shell, nothing beats cooking together for the most romantic date. at least for me, it does. It was romantic.

Love
DindaZein

We Made A Deal

19th of July 2010.

Para :
=.D

Me :
:) enjoy your lunch..

Para :
u enjoy it too! are you back in school?

Me :
yes. now otw to Changi to fetch my friends. new occupation : tour guide

Para :
lol.. well I'm sure ur gonna have fun.. :)
just enjoy the moment! so where are you bringing them today?

Me :
I'm like confused! where shall I bring them? any idea?

Para :
hmh.. bring them to Esplanade.. then walk down to Marina Bay Sands. then end it with Singapore Flyer and eat popeyes for dinner there. after which have ice cream outside and enjoy the view :)

Me :
that's an awesome idea! thank you Para. *hugs*

Para :
if i'm not meeting snigles today, maybe i'll see u later :)

Me :
ehm.. okay. give me a call if you are still meeting me later.

**

Para :
lol.. yups. lets lets.. oh ya.. so why do you still wanna kiss and hug me eventhough I'm not your boyfy?

Me :
ehm.. I don't know. the thing that I know is only.. I'm happy when you are around.

** Para :
hemm.. I'm glad I could make you happy :D I guess we can just do this till either one of us find a serious partner to be with. if only you are taller.. :)

Me :
Yes, until I met a guy who can take me the way I am or until I get tired of this all.

Para :
It's a deal date then! :)

* I was quite for minutes, re-read his message *

Me :
Sue, I will forward Syaff's text

*forwarding his text (**) to Sue*

Sue :
What!!! He is such a bastard. Obviously he is not serious abt you. and why he keeps saying you short? Does it mean he would have like you more? This shows he just wanna fool around with you while he get a tall girl. Forget him din. U deserve better.

Me :
that's the word, bastard.


but I like that bastard Sue, I like him

Right vs Left

Have you ever been in a situation where you are confused to decide a choice? as if, you yourself are divided into two parts, namely the left and the right. For example, you want to do A but on the other hand you do not want to do the A for reasons that you think are also important. Have you? I've been there and now I'm there.

In a nut shell, I was attacked by an extraordinary sense of longing for Syaff. It's been three days since the last time I talked to him on call. We talked to each other only by chatting instead. I kind of miss his voice, miss his hug and miss his laughter. Today is Saturday nite when I'm supposed to go out with him if we still recognize our self as a dating partner. Turns out, I got no calls nor text from him until now.

Since morning, I keep wondering what should I do. I really want to meet him in person, back into the warm embrace of him again, but still somehow it feels like there is a push inside of me not to reach him until he contacts me first. Bear in mind all the advices given by Sue, Nia and Auntie that I better to pull my self down slowly and not giving anymore attention towards him. I shouldn't have shown too much that I like him even I do because he doesn't seem to show his true feeling to me. Therefore I keep my self away from him and act nonchalant despite in fact it is a bit torturing myself.

Sometimes, I become a very doubter. I need some suggestions from others to convince myself which path that is better for me to take. I kept asking here and there until finally I had found myself at the crossroads in which I had to choose which way to go. Yet unfortunately, I still didn't know which path to choose. It is like I was standing at the crossroad where the road to the right is myself who are haunted by suggestions of others and prestige, and the road to the left which is my self that wanted to follow my heart and my self confidence. So, where should I go? To the right or to the left?

Instead of ensure what exactly our feelings, I discovered that sometimes we must strive to be true to our own will. Be true to your feelings devoid ensure what exactly what you feel. Got me? For example, actually I knew what should I have done, I knew what I was supposed to be, I knew exactly what I wanted but why did I end up very indecisive and doubtful? It's all because I listened too much to others and not trying to be true to myself.

I have a feeling that he likes me. I assume we both are in the same situation of which we are convincing ourselves of the feelings for each of us, either way I feel about him or his feelings toward me. We are waiting to see whether each of us is "the right one". That's my assumption. By means, if indeed we are in the same position, so I ought to know exactly what he wants from me because it must be like what I really want from him. Thus, I should have known what to do toward him.

I myself who know exactly what happens between us. I myself who know what's best to do. I myself who really know who actually he is. Others don't. and after all, I myself who know and decide which is the best way for me to go through because in the end, I'll be passing that way all by myself.

It is not mistaken if we asked for opinions of others, still everything is back to ourselves. everything depends on ourselves respectively whether we want to follow our heart or what other people suggested. We ourselves who know what's the best for us and of course we ourselves who have to bear any risk of the decisions we make.

Now that I know about this, I prefer to be true to myself. In this case, if I like Syaff, I'm suppose to show my attention toward him in a good way. Not to be too aggressive nor have a high dignity. I should make him realize that there's something inside me that attractive which can make him fall for me. I should be able to get his attention more deeply. I should show every best in me in order to make him feeling comfortable when I'm around. Thence, I finally choose to go to the left, stay true to my self.

I'm doing this for something good. I'm doing this purely and simply to make myself happy no matter how will the end. I'm just doing my best. I'm just trying to be someone that can be loved. Because in the end, we will come to understand that we can't make someone love us. All we can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to the person to realize our worth.

Love,
DindaZein

ps: I would like to say thank you so much to Neno. She gave me a very meaningful advices which are stated in this post. I owe you a bunch of thanks, Nen! xoxo

Randomessly Random

I'm pretty sure that your ears must have been very friendly with a word spelled "random". People, especially Indonesian, usually use that word when they aimlessly get a chaotic mind. When you are stuck in a tremendous boredom, you got nothing to do yet you have loads in your mind and feel like spill it out in order to lighten the loads to carry on, all of sudden the random thoughts come across in our mind. right? I often feel that way and I'm currently feeling it.

Thus, If it's me, the thing that I will do is tear a paper and write down my feeling. But "hello!", this is 2010. what's blog for then? this is exactly what blog is for, a place to devote our feelings. So now, let's we start to jot down every random things that we got! I'm working on it now. I'll be also posting some random picts which are so catchy , some are mine, some are from Tumblr. Here they are!

1. I think I officially gain weight. sucks. sucks.

2. Now that I know I gain weight, I still want to go out and eating for cake or Mie goreng. amusing.

3. In need of shopping, a lot! ha, it's been awhile since I spent my money for clothes.

4. Feel like going out tomorrow, no matter what happens.

5. It's three days before Ayu and Aldita's arrival. can't hardly wait to fetch them at Changi. On the other hand.. I school on Monday. heck yeah, we shall see then.

6. In mad craving for Mie Ayam, everything as long as it's noodles. I'm kinda bored of rice.

7. Demand of many sort of hat. I'm in love with hat. Will start to buy it in degrees.

8. I'm sure as hell I will sleep late tonite as I just woke up from nap lil while a go. what a mess.

9. I lift my hands that God will ease anything. anything. hope everything is going smooth.

10. Syaff, could you please call me tonight? It will make my day.

Done? Yeah, done.

Love,
DindaZein

I'm talking to all the girls on earth.

I've said like millions times that it's kind of hard for me to fall for someone yet once I fall for him, it's deep and steady last. When I fall in love with someone, I do always try to give my best. I could be more patient that I used to be, I could become a very conqueror and understanding girl than I was, I do attempt to give anything that I have (except my virginity) and never expect anything in return but hoping he will love me more than I do.

Nonetheless, as time goes by, I've come to realize that I've given so much love to someone who actually doesn't deserve that much. Perhaps, that's why my hurt has been broken for several times. That's why I never had a long last relationship. That's why many guys liked to fool around with me. All because I was too convenient about my feelings and never ever playing foolish about love.

We succumb, we try to understand him, we do what he asks to, we willingly get hurt when we discovered he was lying, we sacrificed so much things, but apparently that's all we do is just to placate us, to satisfy our desire in order to always have him around continuously without even care of ourselves and our feelings. We just want him to be with us. We never care whether or not he loves us the way we do. We never expect anything in return. We only want to possess him.

No one deserves to be treated that way. So even if you love him with your entire heart, with every fibre of your being, with so much passion that it hurts to think about it, you need to forget what you want and remember what you deserve.

Love,
DindaZein

Nice Wednesday

There must be something wrong with my pancake. It's just too nice. I can't really get enough. Well, it's all actually because of I'm in the middle of PMS. Since two days ago, I can't stop munching any foods, I've been out of control craving for cake and chocolate, shit, it has happened sustainable in the past three days. Once I woke up, I immediately looked for food. Even before I sleep, I was imagining what food I will eat the next day. so silly!

this is my pancake, it looks bad but I assure you it tastes yummy!

Speaking of which, today Syaff was supposed to come over my house. But as Sue's advised me to cancel it, I did cancel it for real. I lied to him, I made an excuse as if my host mom was sick so that she came home earlier today. Ha! I felt guilty somewhat, still I do need to do that, play hard at times. We eventually didn't meet today. Meanwhile, he was planning to leave early from work then coming over my house and after that he would having the dinner with The Snigles at Lucky Plaza. He asked me to come along but I rejected it. I'm not ready to meet The Snigles yet. I still remember the time when I met Wann and Suhaimi, although they are certainly nice, but.. gah I just don't feel like to meet them again in the near future. Plus, I am somehow sure, Shah must be there as well with Neneh and others.

I had called him twice today. and both of them were nice especially at the second time. We talked and laughed a lot. I like the way he asked me "udah mam?". hihi "mam" sounds cute, huh? at least when it's spoken by him who is literally Sporean, it sounds awkward but cute. These are the dialogues that I'm fond :

Him : " udah mam ga? "
Me : " itu salah.. yang benar, 'udah mam belum?' "
Him : " ga tau, itu lagi bagus. udah mam ga? "
Me : * ergh udah salah ngotot! tapi lucu :) *

__

Me : " I've been craving for Murtabak. The one on Arab St "
Him : " Zam - zam ya? "
Me : " IYA! "
Him : " Itu tuh enak mampus! "
Me : " * LMAO * How do you know that phrase huh?!! "

I was kinda amazed when he said "itu tuh enak mampus!". seriously, that's funny. at least for me, that's funny. because it sounds so weird when it is spoken by foreigner, doesn't it? I just can't stop laughing every time I phone him. There must be a tickle thing which makes us laughing. And I do really hope, it makes him comfortable to be with me as he always laughs and smiles when he's having me around. Anyhow, personality could beat any physical standards when it comes to love. And somehow, I'm getting more sure that he will fall for me..

*crossing fingers*

Love
DindaZein

Sue - Me

anbiyazein: he doesnt seem to like me
anbiyazein: just because im short
SuLi@Na: ini teman nya yg kamu lebih suka itu ya?
anbiyazein: iyaaaaa
SuLi@Na: tats so rude of him!
anbiyazein: ya
anbiyazein: he keeps saying that im short
anbiyazein: but we are still dating!
SuLi@Na: hw do u sum up dating if u said he dun seem to like u?
anbiyazein: i like him a lot sue
anbiyazein:
anbiyazein: but he calls me almost everyday
anbiyazein: we go on dates
anbiyazein: he even kissed me already
SuLi@Na: then he likes u lah
anbiyazein: ga sue
anbiyazein: I think he just wants to take advantage of me
SuLi@Na: mungkin cuma canda aja...bilang kamu rendah orangnya
SuLi@Na: hmmm...then u better be careful dun show too much tat u like him even if u do
SuLi@Na: he will know u r vulnerable
so dun do tat
SuLi@Na: be hard on him at times
anbiyazein: iya..
anbiyazein: aku bingung harus apa
anbiyazein: what should I do then?
anbiyazein: he still wants to date with me
anbiyazein: but he keeps saying that he doesnt like a short girl
anbiyazein: seems like my height is a big deal
SuLi@Na: then ask him y he still go out w u if he dun like short girls
anbiyazein:
SuLi@Na: fr wat u say..i think he just wanna fool ard with u
SuLi@Na: if he likes u fr who u r..we wont put such a statement
SuLi@Na: dun be sad dear...
SuLi@Na: think abt it...y shld be judge u based on ur hysical outlook
SuLi@Na: seharusnya kan ke hati..n pewatakan
anbiyazein: that true
anbiyazein:
anbiyazein: im so sad
SuLi@Na: pls dun be
SuLi@Na: i knw..what it feels liking a person but the person dun feel the same
SuLi@Na: u will eventually meet "the one"
long way to go girl
SuLi@Na: i hv yet to find one even at 30!!!
anbiyazein: yeah...
anbiyazein: thanks Sue

--

SuLi@Na: so bk to ur story...i think u shld play hard to get
SuLi@Na: dun show anymore attention to him
anbiyazein: should I?
anbiyazein: then?
SuLi@Na: see hw he react
SuLi@Na: n if u see him again..play it cool
anbiyazein: he is coming over my house tom!
SuLi@Na: like u dun hv anymore feelings to him
SuLi@Na: if he dun gv any positive reactions, or he simply dun bother..it means he dun like u fr real
SuLi@Na: cancel it
SuLi@Na: say last min u bz
SuLi@Na: ngapain kasi dia kesempatan mendekati kamu kalo dia sendiri gak bisa terima kamu apa adanya
anbiyazein: okay
anbiyazein: so I should cancel our meeting tom?
SuLi@Na: if its me i will...
SuLi@Na: y shld i always "be there" when he dun appreciate me
SuLi@Na: after tmrw do the avoiding thing
SuLi@Na: but u can still answer his calls/sms
SuLi@Na: but subtlely
SuLi@Na: not all of them
SuLi@Na: act bz
SuLi@Na: then if he start reacting..towards showing concern fr u, then ask him fr his stand in the relationship
SuLi@Na: what he wants
SuLi@Na: u r not a toy where he can use as n when he likes
anbiyazein: he said tat we are dating for 3 months
anbiyazein: and after that he will consider about continuing our relationship
SuLi@Na: what rubbish
anbiyazein: really?
SuLi@Na: its either friendship or relationship
SuLi@Na: dating is a relationship
SuLi@Na: u be wasting ur time n ur emotions if u treat dating as a casual go out thing
SuLi@Na: coz if he said no after 3 mths..whats left of the emotions u put into
SuLi@Na: dun waste ur feelings on someone u not certain
SuLi@Na: coz it will only make u feel terrible n hurt if he leave
SuLi@Na: until both of u r certain, then u show the true feelings
SuLi@Na: fr me..i had learnt the hard way..i gv my all fr 7 yrs of my youth to someone not worthy of him
SuLi@Na: *it
SuLi@Na: nw i regretted..i cld hv met more boys then
nw with rudie, i asked him fr the start if he is gonna go into the real thing..n not just casual. tat i asked within 1 mth of knowing him.
SuLi@Na: n he said yes...but till nw i still hv some reservations..i dun show everything
SuLi@Na: i want him to love me more than i do
anbiyazein: you are right!
anbiyazein: I want him to love me more than I do as well
anbiyazein: but I will just let it goes..
SuLi@Na: these things cant be forced
anbiyazein: I will do what you've told me
SuLi@Na: take it as it comes
SuLi@Na: kalo mmg jodoh gak kemana din
SuLi@Na: santai aja ya
anbiyazein: iya Sue
anbiyazein: he's 26 btw
SuLi@Na is typing...
SuLi@Na: 26..he shld be matured n knw hw to think
anbiyazein: but he said he doesnt want to get married
SuLi@Na: bull shit
SuLi@Na: maybe nw he say tat..later nobody knows
anbiyazein: iya
anbiyazein: hegh aku gemes sama dia!
SuLi@Na: so..fr a start..do wat i told u tmrw
SuLi@Na: then judge fr there
anbiyazein: okay Sue, I will do that!
SuLi@Na: but remember this..whatever the outcome is..u hv to be prepared
SuLi@Na: be it gd or bad
anbiyazein: yes Sue..
anbiyazein: ill prepare my self fr everything
anbiyazein: either gd or bad
SuLi@Na: gd girl

ps : This is my chatting with Sue. Suliana Abdulah a.k.a Sue is one of my closest friend in Spore. She is a Sporean. You must be amazed knowing that she can speak Bahasa very well. Yes, she can convo in Indo very well. Yet most of the times, we talked to each other in English.

Regretful

I'm dying. I'm literally dying.

All I can do right now is just laying in bed, regretting what I had done with him last nite that I shouldn't have done.

It's regret, I think that really is the worst kind of pain. yeah guilt is bad, sadness is bad, but regret is the sickly combination of both.

I've made mistake, I've let him take advantage of me and I've accepted way less than I deserved. but for heaven' sake, I will learn from them. I will be much better next time.

I will.
I will.

Love
DindaZein

You really got me questioning, was it love or lust?

Tonite, Syaff and I went to Tanjong Beach, Sentosa. Never been there before so I was kinda amazed when I noticed how such a beautiful beach it is. It's so clean and slack, plus, just few people were there. The clouds, the weather, the stars, the universe seemed stick up on my date till it became so perfect.

Well, you must have known what happened between Syaff and I there. we talked a lot, we were making out and I'm getting know him more by then. I think.. he isn't as good as I defined before. He is nice, obviously. He's cute, Tracy admitted it. He is... hemh.. kinda a potential husband, I think so. Yet he is still a jerk.

He doesn't want to get married in his life. He likes to go on dates. He doesn't think about having such a serious relationship recently. He doesn't want to be married to a short girl. He keeps saying that I am not tall. He defines me as a short girl only. He still cares about the height thingy. He is.. he is making fun of me. He only meant to play with and take some pleasure from me.

Me? I like him a lot. If you know me very well, you must have known that I never play games about love. I feel like, I'm kind of hard to fall for someone, yet once I fall for him, it's deep and steady last. I think I'm devoted type of girl and by all means, I deserve someone who's faithful as well and unfortunately Syaff is not listed in.

Well, after all, I keep wondering, how long will this dating last? will there be love between us later? or is this all just going to end up in vain? wait, does love itself even exist between us??

What A Day

What a day. I had a test this morning and after that, directly headed straight to Bugis to have lunch with Tracy and Bayu. We ate at MOF for Japanesse Food in which Bayu paid all for us. He treated Tracy before she's returning to Philipines this Saturday.

Taken by Bayu, with my glasses

Tracy asked me to accompany her to IKEA, we fetched her mom there and dropped by Queensway Shopping Centre to buy shoes for Tracy's brother. Syaff phoned me there, asked where I would have my dinner. Tracy wanted to go to Orchard at nite, so I told him that I would probably go to Orchard. Syaff said he would be going there as well and asked me to call him if I wanted to meet him.

We eventually flied to Orchard, again and again. There weren't Tracy and Syafira if we didn't buy even a small thing when we go out. I bought a pair of sandals and a bag at Ruby, and so did Tracy. Then, all of sudden Tracy came up with an idea to bring me to the pub which she's been there with her mom. LOL. we really did go there, Singapore Tower. For heaven's sake, I've never been there before. That's kind of place where you could choose which pub do you want to come in. So many "entertainer" girls with a super sexeh-clothed. lol, super lame.

Almighty God, we were supposed to come in, we meant to dance on the stage, moreover, standing in desk to say "Hey dudes, bring it on!" (this is Tracy's idea, "dudes" is referring to our silly guys. lol.) without buying any drinks. But.. thank God, the pub hadn't open yet that time soooo we canceled to go there. YAY! hahahaa.

Day turned dark, Tracy eventually enjoyed Orchard at nite. lol. We walked along Orchard until our legs getting so hurt. You know Tracy, right? She never go out without spending her bucks in Starbucks. never. Until we stooped by to one of Strabucks in Orchard, I suddenly noticed something. Suhaimi! yeah, the guy who ordered coffee there was Suhaimi, Syaff's friend. There, I was sure as hell that Syaff was there as well until I glance through the desk and I saw him was sitting there with his friends. WTF.

Tracy made a big deal with me. She seemed want to make a fun of me. She ordered a cup of coffee and muffin so that we need to have a seat. WHAT TRACY. I meant to avoid him, I didn't want him to see me, but Tracy seemed so eager to meet Syaff. she kept cajoled me to sit. lol. yeah, we ordered there, (I ordered muffin) and our seat was just next to his table which is he could use his glimpse to see me. But, I don't know how to say, whether Thank God or shitty, but he didn't notice me at all. AT ALL.

I laughed out load there, my bag fell down and I took it, but he seemed so had nothing to do with me. He even didn't greet me at all or phone me. wtf. aargh.

Tracy was also angry at Justin. For many times, they had canceled their date again and kept putting the blame on each other. lol. So.. along the road, while we were walking down, we never stop grumbling about that two-silly-guys.

whatever happens between Justin-Tracy, Syaff - Me, I (do not) care.
I only care about Tracy. She's going back to Philipines this Saturday and will be returning to Spore on August. I'm gonna miss her, a lot. Today, I had so much fun with her. Plenty of happiness we've made together. Laughter and tears, silly-ness and good deed, all will be remaining until I get to meet her later.

Thank you so much for today, Tracy. You really made my day. I'm gonna miss you, so much :)

No, it's actually not a no

Me:	may I ask you something?
Him:	sure
Me:	who's a short diva?
Him:	a friend of mine
Me:	okay
Him:	can I ask you?
Me:	sure
Him:	are you gonna be jealous?
Me:	lol. hahahaha. haha
Him:	yea.......?
Me:	nooo :)
Him:	I hope it's a no
Me:	yes, it's a no

today was...pretty amazing :)

I watched Eclipse today with Tracy and Nooral at Bugis. That was nice. So nice. I still love Jacob no matter what. Edward is just too girly, I guess. Jacob is my future husband. No debate, please.

Then.. I settled to have a meeting with Shaff. I chose Bugis in which I watched movie there and that's quite near from his office. Turns out, he asked me to meet him at City Hall Mc.Donald after I waited for him for almost 2 hours at Bugis and City Hall MRT station.

In a nut shell, yes I met him. He was.. handsome I can say. No, I'm not kidding. He was handsome wearing a black long-sleeved shirt and black jeans and the crucial one is his shoes. Oh I love them. So fashionable, you know. He simply looked awesome with his hair and his outfit today. I liked it and I still do. I met him at Mc. Donalds, he stood by the board. I approached him and he brought me to.. Esplanade. awesome.

There, we just bought bottles of tea, cookies and a burger for him and we watched Jazz concert. It was.. quite good. Not really though, but it was good enough. Along the concert, we talked a lot. yeah, the common cackle about us, keraton and stuff as he is still keraton by heritage and he seemed so proud about that. lol, lame yet funny. I like to make fun of him about this. And oh! I met Nunu aka Nurul Jannah. she seemed so wow. she's quite tall and pretty and seems like she's a fun girl. nice.

After that, he brought me to Singapore River side. do you know that? the one which you are going to Merlion Park nearby Fullerton Hotel or it is known as Boat Quay. We sat in front of Asian something Museum (I forgot the exact name). There.. we talked a lot. We talked seriously about Shah. He seemed like wanted to know what's going on between me and Shah. I told him the truth, I told him that I don't like Shah and bla and bla and bla. He also insisted on saying that I am short. Guess, yeah I know. I know. God, if only you knew how I really wish to be taller :(

Then.. we bounced to The Snigles. He told me when I added him on facebook. I guess, I added him in the wrong time as Syaff was in the cab there with Wan and Suhaimi. lol, they are cutie couple. lol. Yeah.. and until now.. Shah hasn't known about this AT ALL. Syaff said that Shah likes me a lot. He kept saying that I'm cute (thank you) and I seemed to avoid him with telling that I was so busy (you're right, smarty). Bla bla bla.... until he thought about if he should dating with me or not. lol. he was like so confused. hahaa.

Truth to be told, there, I kept praying at heart "Please ask me to date you, please please please" and thankfully God granted my pray. He directly said to me..

"Let's have a date.......... I shall tell Shah about this"

wow. yeah. aaah. uhhh. lol.

He asked for my response and I said "terserah"
I meant, I don't want to force him to date with me if he doesn't want to. No I do not want to do that. Let him convince him self whether or not he wants to date with me. and turns out.. he said it again for the second time.

"Let's have a date, and let it goes.."

Me : smile (blossomly)

then.. we scaled our height. gees, he's quite tall. I think he's as tall as Aldi. and I am quite short :( I took my shoes off, stand in front of him and he hugged me. we were hugging, for twice :)

and after that..

Syaff :"Okay, let's dating for 3 months, and after that I will be thinking if we can have a serious relationship. do you want to date with me?"

Me : "do you want to date with a short girl?"

Syaff : *laughed*

Me : shitty (in heart)

Yeah, my casio buzzed its alarm which means that was 10.30 pm. Syaff asked me to go home. We passed by the Spore bridge. There he said to me that he would be so hard to kiss me.

Syaff : "Prolly I'll be so hard to kiss you"

Me : *keep quite*

Syaff : "or do you wanna try now?"

Me : *stop walking, amazed and bear in mind about Eclipse kissing scenes. lol*

Syaff : "stand here, by me. relax. see that stars are wonderful, right? also that building. that's the main building of OUB and another one is bla bla (I think it sounded a lil bit nonsense. lol).... are you ready?"

*we kissed*

for heaven's sake,
that was the first time I had kissing in crowd
that was the first time I got kissed after 6 months I didn't
that was my first kiss in Spore.
and that was... romantic. (even I can say.. Aldi's are nicer. lol)

We did it twice at the bridge, and.. I seemed to enjoy it. lol.

We walked along after that to Raffles Place, and when I saw escalator, I knew what he would do. We had our second kisses. Another escalator, another kisses and last time was before I boarded the MRT. He seems to like kissing anytime and anywhere. huh. While we were kissing, I hummed "hemh" which means "stop" and he replied me with another "hemh". lol.

Hemh..

I don't know. I just feel like this is so not "me". I never kissed with a boy who isn't my bf. I never kissed in crowd, and like I've said, I never get used to have dating. but when I told this to my friend, she just simply said "this is not Indonesia. you must get used to it my dear".

It makes sense though, it really does.

Well, he called me just now asked for meeting tomorrow but I refused it. No, tomorrow I should stay at home to do laundry. So we had made an appointment to have another date which is on Sunday to Vivo. I'll be going home late because he wants to bring me to the beach. Sounds like fun. I just can't wait to meet him again. :)


Love,
DindaZein

(for those of you who read this post, you might be getting annoyed about my kissing part, please pardon it. I just want to store every momentum that I've got for my future reminder. I hope you can take it wisely :) )

How many of you have ever started dating because you were too lazy to commit suicide?

HA! can I say this is a lovely Sunday? Can I say this is an amazing weekend? Can I say everything has been through properly today?

I - fucking - don't - know .

Good start, I started my day by chatting with Syaff. Nice chat and he eventually asked my number.

I was supposed to go to Siloso with Tracy today but for no reason she canceled it and BOOM I got no idea what to go since I was bored to death. I needed to go out no matter what. My mood slightly dropped, I decided to have lunch outside and took a nice nap. It was so helpful. Until I woke up, I got Lolo's message on Fb saying that he waited for me. I replied it like many times but I didn't get feedback. I didn't know what I was supposed to get in touch with him. I did try to call him, sent him message but I couldn't still reach him. For heaven's sake, he seemed like give me chaos, so confusing.

I also thoughtful to meet Syaff this evening but he didn't call me until 5 am. I was so upset, I need to chill my self so that I called Tracy. Thank God, Tracy was also in a crisis mood. Haha. So together, we decided to go to Jurong Point to have dinner. Thankfully, she was allowed to go out at nite by her mom. Turns out, Jurong Point was a nice place. I think, it's huge enough and so fascinating as well. Nice place. We had dinner at Banquet. Guess, it's been a while since the last time I had dinner. lol.

While we were walking around there, I kept texting with Syaff. He said that he did attempt to call me but it seemed like my phone was unreachable. wtf, I knew that there's something wrong with my phone. (I do really need new phone, mom. please?) At first, it went so well until we got to one point when he said he wants to meet me once before we think about having dating or stuff. WTF. I got angry. I just.. It just means nothing to me. it really does. aargh, I mean, truth to be told, I DON'T LIKE DATING. I DON'T LIKE TO DATE. I'm not a girl who is into dating like many times with one boy to another, NOPE I REALLY AM NOT. and I couldn't imagine how I know my dating is dating another girl, he kisses and treats her the way he does to me. AH, I DON'T WANT TO HAVE A DATE ANYMORE. I mean, I'M DONE WITH DATING. I think it would be much easier if you choose one girl, do approaching to get to know each other, and if you think s/he is so into you, then declare your love to him/her and everything's done. Unlike dating who could probably might hurt one side who truly love you whether on the other side your partner is like having fun with another. It hurts and I don't wanna get hurt anymore. I just want to have a special, a serious relationship with a guy who could truly take me the way I am :(

I'm like over dating. I'm over it. I don't want to kiss a guy who isn't my bf. I don't want to be lonely again. I just want to be cuddled with a guy who literally loves me. So please, don't make fun of me with dating.

Love

DindaZein

(Syaff called me just now, he laughed a lot. he was so nice. he could speak in Indo very well as well. argh)

GERMANY! GERMANY!

muahaha.. you must be flustered reading and seeing this post. you might saying "what? Dinda is talking about WORLD CUP?". yes, the answer is yes, for sure.

I might say, now that I knew the world cup is running into the middle section, I get hit by the vibe as if I followed it right from the start. lol. It's just like now I am nuts over the Germany and tonight it's not winning by a nose, 4-0 for Germany. Woo-hoo! I'm pretty sure they will hit the finale moreover it will most likely gonna be the winner. YAY!

and oh, I have anything else to say. I tweeted a lot today. lol. I don't know, it just seems like I have nothing to do but tweeting. gawky eh? hahaha. I had my time. no assignments for this week. UPS~ noooo, I have one assignments actually! It should be submitted by this Wed tho, so.. nothing to worry about :P

Well, I was supposed to go to PPI Singapura's enchanting concert at Takashimaya. But I decided not to go there for some reasons. First, it was pouring. If I went out, I had to carry umbrella and I might get soak. Second, I haven't taken a bath yet today, till now. not even brushing my teeth. lol. gross? nah, just once in a life time, baby. I don't stink afterall, so nothing to be afraid of. okay? lol. Third, it was too late. I was afraid it wud be useless as the event started ar 8 and I was still at home at 7:45. also, I didn't want to wear any makeup on my face (it's Saturday, remember? I always attempt not to wear any makeup on Sat). Actually, If I went there, I could get to meet and know more people. I knew it. But yeah, let by gone be by gone. I've decided to stay at home and turns out it's a good idea.

Plus, I had a quality chatting with mom. We talked a lot about everything, here and there. It seemed like we were so close to each other. Mom has promised me one thing and I'm sooo happy about that! LOVE YOU MOM! <3 and oh, my feeling is getting better day by day. I think I should think nothing of this. I also hope this will be getting much better day by day.

This was a pretty nice saturday night. I am happy :)

Love
DindaZein

I'm like a shell, soft and fragile

It's been a gloomy day, rain is pouring down since morning. Nothing to do but snuggle up in my bed waiting for the sun comes out.

Finally. I eventually slept like a baby last night. Perhaps, it's because my mom and dad made a call with me. We talked a lot, as usual, my beloved dad advised me to be a tough girl and don't be fragile as I currently live alone without family. I'm hit by home sick I guess. When I heard my mom's voice, all of sudden my tears were coming down. shit. hahaha. I just couldn't hold it down. I miss her voice. I talked a lot with mom. She told me about her new business, about my sister and brothers and asked me some things that obviously so lovely. my dad? he knew that I'm now being close with somebody. haha. and he said he's so glad to know that.

My dad and my mom are really longing for me as well. They couldn't stop talking about me all days long, they said. nice :) . They also want to go to Spore soon, insya Allah with Danty Dhika and Demir. (can't wait for this). The crucial one is that they said they never stop to support me all the way. I just need to be concentrate more on school and don't forget to always devout on worship.

I'm so glad, really glad having such a wonderful parents like them. Thank God. I love them so much. I hope you grant my pray to always take care of them and let me give them rewards for their kindness in my whole life.

Amin

Love
DindaZein

Thanks Tracy!

The class was so nice today. I started my class with a very nice compliment from Mrs.Pallavi.

"Everytime I see her come into the class, I'm like seeing barbie"

wow. what a compliment. hehe.

And the class went so smoothly. We did reading class which is maybe the most boring lesson for me. But thank God, I have the coolest teacher on earth like Mrs. Pallavi who can make the class being so fun to be attended. We didn't stop laughing, there were numerous funny things happened among us. Until we got the funniest moment when we caught Papa Paul spoke in Chinese with Andi.

As we all know, no one is allowed to speak in other language but English. If we're catching someone do that, the suspect must bring chocolate on the next day. We got Papa Paul today and gleefully he got each of us a can of coca-cola! wow. he chose the more expensive things than chocolate actually.

We enjoyed our coca-cola together and kept continuing the class. When eventually the class was over, Tracy wanted me to accompany her to Orchard. She meant to send money to her friend in Philipines. Badly, we couldn't do that as our age is still below 21.

After that, we walked around Lucky Plaza and Orchard as well. As usual, we did window shopping. The 3 for 10 shops are always be our favourite! hehe. this is what I like from Tracy, we do have things in common and one of that is shopping. Even just take a look at the clothes without buying anything, we are so willing to do that. Hemh, for Tracy as long as it's still Starbucks around, she won't mind actually. haha. We also had lunch there, mine was so nice though so cheap! and there, we came to an idea about.. onion people. lol.

and as usual again, we stop by to Starbucks. I was having a chocolate muffin there and Tracy was having coffee. We talked a lot, I told her about Syaff and what a nice world, her feedback was so nice. She told me that I could be dating with Syaff and the most favorite one was when she said this,

"what is his facebook name? I will send him a message saying 'hey, you should go dating with Syafira tomorrow. You owe her a cup of ice cream. Otherwise, I'll fetch you!' "

thanks Tracy, that sounded so lovely. you are my closest friend in Spore thus far. I surely will be missing you when you go back to Philipines. Please, come back very soon, Tracy. I couldn't imagine if I am not having you around.

Love
DindaZein

Uh La La! (extended)

Hahaha it's funny how I'm extending my writing. hehe I just don't want to miss any little things of my momentum.

so.. this is a lil part of our chat (me & Syaff) and of course, this one is definitely favorite!

Parakuhara says:

hmm.. actually, u seem like an interesting girl fira..
it will be nice, to date u.

Dinda Zein says:

really?
aww
why?

Parakuhara says:

u've got a good personality.
and u have ur set of thoughts as well.
and its another plus point, that u can converse well in english!
thats a major turn on. lol


*dancing*

but well, he didn't ask me to date :(

Love
DindaZein

Uh La La!

Hai hai hai! Today I was sooooooooo happy.

why?

I added Syaf

He approved me

We've been friends

and we are currently.. chatting!

hopefully he will ask me to date! *fingercrossed


LOVE
DindaZein