Have you ever been in a situation where you are confused to decide a choice? as if, you yourself are divided into two parts, namely the left and the right. For example, you want to do A but on the other hand you do not want to do the A for reasons that you think are also important. Have you? I've been there and now I'm there.In a nut shell, I was attacked by an extraordinary sense of longing for Syaff. It's been three days since the last time I talked to him on call. We talked to each other only by chatting instead. I kind of miss his voice, miss his hug and miss his laughter. Today is Saturday nite when I'm supposed to go out with him if we still recognize our self as a dating partner. Turns out, I got no calls nor text from him until now.
Since morning, I keep wondering what should I do. I really want to meet him in person, back into the warm embrace of him again, but still somehow it feels like there is a push inside of me not to reach him until he contacts me first. Bear in mind all the advices given by Sue, Nia and Auntie that I better to pull my self down slowly and not giving anymore attention towards him. I shouldn't have shown too much that I like him even I do because he doesn't seem to show his true feeling to me. Therefore I keep my self away from him and act nonchalant despite in fact it is a bit torturing myself.
Sometimes, I become a very doubter. I need some suggestions from others to convince myself which path that is better for me to take. I kept asking here and there until finally I had found myself at the crossroads in which I had to choose which way to go. Yet unfortunately, I still didn't know which path to choose. It is like I was standing at the crossroad where the road to the right is myself who are haunted by suggestions of others and prestige, and the road to the left which is my self that wanted to follow my heart and my self confidence. So, where should I go? To the right or to the left?
Instead of ensure what exactly our feelings, I discovered that sometimes we must strive to be true to our own will. Be true to your feelings devoid ensure what exactly what you feel. Got me? For example, actually I knew what should I have done, I knew what I was supposed to be, I knew exactly what I wanted but why did I end up very indecisive and doubtful? It's all because I listened too much to others and not trying to be true to myself.
I have a feeling that he likes me. I assume we both are in the same situation of which we are convincing ourselves of the feelings for each of us, either way I feel about him or his feelings toward me. We are waiting to see whether each of us is "the right one". That's my assumption. By means, if indeed we are in the same position, so I ought to know exactly what he wants from me because it must be like what I really want from him. Thus, I should have known what to do toward him.
I myself who know exactly what happens between us. I myself who know what's best to do. I myself who really know who actually he is. Others don't. and after all, I myself who know and decide which is the best way for me to go through because in the end, I'll be passing that way all by myself.
It is not mistaken if we asked for opinions of others, still everything is back to ourselves. everything depends on ourselves respectively whether we want to follow our heart or what other people suggested. We ourselves who know what's the best for us and of course we ourselves who have to bear any risk of the decisions we make.
Now that I know about this, I prefer to be true to myself. In this case, if I like Syaff, I'm suppose to show my attention toward him in a good way. Not to be too aggressive nor have a high dignity. I should make him realize that there's something inside me that attractive which can make him fall for me. I should be able to get his attention more deeply. I should show every best in me in order to make him feeling comfortable when I'm around. Thence, I finally choose to go to the left, stay true to my self.
I'm doing this for something good. I'm doing this purely and simply to make myself happy no matter how will the end. I'm just doing my best. I'm just trying to be someone that can be loved. Because in the end, we will come to understand that we can't make someone love us. All we can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to the person to realize our worth.
Love,
DindaZein
ps: I would like to say thank you so much to Neno. She gave me a very meaningful advices which are stated in this post. I owe you a bunch of thanks, Nen! xoxo
