earth revolves around, kids grow up, some gain weight, I'm getting old because nothing remains the same.

I stumble upon my old folder on my laptop titled March which stored all my photos taken some day in March last year. I looked through all the contents there and was quite surprised when I noticed some changes in myself within one year only. and what's more surprising, it turns out to be regressions in myself due to some reasons. first, gosh, I put on weight a lot. that's so obvious if you compare my cheeks last year and my current cheeks! not even gonna lie, I'm so sad about this and I've been fretting over this since like three months ago. second, I miss my old skin. it seemed to be very soft, maintained and natural albeit it still got pimples. I have pimples even up until now, but I'm getting more realized that my pimples present are worse than before and I'm over sad about this! I shouldn't put make up that much.

other than that, just some change on my hair style. I kept my bangs last year and it looked kinda cute. now I keep it grow and long as I realise I'm turning 20 in less than two months but there are still many people guess my age younger than the real it is and I couldn't be happier if they suppose it up to 3 years younger. however, to be honest, I dont like to keep my bangs long. it makes me look much older than my age and I don't like it. not mentioning that I would also look much chubbier. I've been considering whether or not I should cut my bangs cause I don't wanna regret it when I have my bangs short then I open photos of mine who had long bangs then say to myself "I should keep it!".

well, the thing is, I'm getting more aware of the fact that nothing will remain the same as days will continue to change, time flies, kids grow up, elderly grow old, people come yet some leave and earth will never stop rotating. so thence, I'm not supposed to go reverse the gravity by not willing to get older and change.

here's some photos of mine which was taken in different year, 2010 and 2011.
and these are the 2010 ones which I still looked "okay" with my lovely bangs. oh i kinda miss it!

and these are................... *sigh my recently photos, with my long bangs and chubby cheeks and, dont you think I look so mature? I dislike it actually. nevertheless, again, I'm growing up. I should look much more older than what people have been supposing. oh yes some were edited, only the colors tho.










I will not say anything as regards of these photos but, you, you are always welcome if you wanna comment them thru my formspring.

xoxo
DindaZen

... because everyone is strong in their own way.

I don't mean to praise myself, but many of my friends say that I'm one of those strong and independent girls they have ever known. I'm not so sure why they ever conveyed so but if i could guess perhaps it's because I'm young, I've been through a lot of obstacles in my life and I completely survived.

but.. truth to be told, sometimes i feel tired of being a strong girl. being a girl who manage to get through and solve all issues she has by herself. being a girl who always tries to count on herself although sometimes she can't take it. sometimes, i'm tired of fighting for my conviction. but i just cant give up easily on my desire, on my dreams and my wants because I know nothing we cant reach so long as we strive to get it.

I sometimes cry. I whine. I blame. I dismay. I revile. I grudge. I disappoint. I'm delicate. I'm weak. I'm spoilt. I'm grieved. I'm so far from perfection. but why people say I'm strong? they say it's all because I never easily give up and always attempt to look okay despite I am not. and why do keep doing that? because i always think that there isn't any need for the whole word to know all the bad sides of me, to know my grief, to know my disappointment and to know all my weakness. it's not that I'm fake, it's the way I opt to portray for all of you to see.

it's not wrong to pretend you are happy although some say that people who pretend to be happy are actually the most sad and unstable, so I hear. but, here I stand oppose it. that is totally wrong because, to me, pretending to be happy when you are in pain is just an instance of how strong you are as a person.

being strong is more than being able to keep your head up high and continue on.
being strong means to keep yourself at a level higher than those that are trying to bring you down.
and that's what i always tell to myself in order to keep myself strong.

you don't have to run to chase your goal, just walk slowly but dont stop. don't ever stop. if you are tired, you may take a rest while look back on what you have achieved. make it all as the trigger to keep on walking.

if you got your heart broken, be selfish. eat a lot, go often, do everything wich make yourself happy. you gotta know there are so much more things in life that are worth fighting for. keep calm and run as fast as you can. move on. it's easier said than done, I know. but do try to. life wouldn't wait for you to revolve until you cure the wounds, until you get rid of all memories. life goes on and you have to keep going or you will be left behind.

if you get hurt, that's how you learn. the strongest people out there, the one who laugh the hardest with the genuine smile, those are the people who have fought the toughest battles. because they celebrate their triumph, they don't give up. they've decided they are not going to let anything hold them down. they are showing the world who strong people are like.

i believe, we are all strong. you and I are strong. we are strong in our own way. there's no limit for us not to keep strong as well as no reasons not to be the ones.

because..
by being strong, you indirectly toughen up yourself.
by being strong, people will look up to you
and by being strong you will realise how strong you are due to no other choice but to be strong.

keep yourself at a level much higher than where you're currently standing. be strong or be stronger.

xoxo
DindaZein

TCM Remembers Elizabeth Taylor

“An icon of old and new Hollywood, she defined modern celebrity - and America couldn’t take its eyes off her.”

RIP Elizabeth Taylor.

Good Books and a Nice Bag Made My Day

I'm having short schedule at work. yesterday i stayed at home for a whole day and did all chores. and as usual, i was literally awake at nite without doing anything. i then realised it's been so long since i spent my time on reading. i definitely need new reads! thus, today i purposely went out to get a book. Bras Basah was the first thing popped out on my mind due to some reasons. first, it's well-known as a place where you can purchase cheap books - mostly second books- 2. i'd never been there before.

so yeah, i went there and took some picts!

so yeah, this is Bras Basah Complex. it's like a decent building with 4 levels.

Friendship Psalms.

Happenings

Julius Caesar script

untitled book but the owner wrote the date when he bought it. if i'm not mistaken it was in 1975

I wasn't born when this mags released

I first found a book (the small one) and I showed it to Zoe. it turned out Zoe likes it also! and whats good? we managed to find another one although with different price. and what's good again? uncle owner gave us the same price for two! yay, i'm so gonna eat this book soon! :)

and oh, I think I shouldn't come over my favorite stall just now. you know i always cant stand the urge to buy bags rite? so, I ended up buy this bag for.. $... (the price is a secret!) hehe. dont you think is cute? :)

I actually still have some more photos but i think i wont post it now. anyways, im so literally tired, i might sleep early tonite and gonna start reading the book tomorrow. so enough for today. you guys have a good nite sleep!

xoxo
DindaZein

OUR PILLOW

on our silent night, we put our heads on a single pile of cotton pads facing each other. i saw your eyelids closed and i felt peaceful, for your hand leaned on my body, for your sweat permeated my skin and for your breath roared through your snore.

i moved my hand, fixing my sleep position which resulted you to wake up. "the night is still young, i just want to snooze" you said with a queer voice. "isn't night forever young for us?" i questioned you. then you opened your eyes and stared at me, deeply. "should the world know that nights were made only for the two of us?", you said with a small smile etched on your face and soft eyes that were trying to open. i looked deep into your eyes and smiled before i turned my body to the other side. you grabbed me tight and kissed my shoulder.

back to you, i closed my eyes. i felt the warmth of the pillow with your smell lingers on it. it brought me back to the first night when i opted to let myself share this pillow with you and lived the night with our talks, our jokes and our thoughts. without words, i traced your story and you probably traced mine; without you knowing it, i encountered plenty of facts about you and possibly vice versa. lies were just those things between fear; admiration was just the thing between disappointment; and longing were just those things between lusts. ignore the negativity, i convinced myself that i made a right decision. you weren't sort of stranger i was afraid of. you weren't like those cowards who could dump me away with something left unsaid. i told myself that you were exceptional, again and again.

but then again, those thing got me questioning.

"what if i am wrong? will there come a morning when i wake up with such self loathing for what i've been believing?" asking me at heart.

i turned to you sleeping beside me and I asked,

"what if one morning i wake up with hatred of you inside my heart, for making my pillow doesn't feel this warm anymore?"

but you did not reply, for you were deep in your slumber where the night was still bathed with morning dew and others were asleep with you.

Commonwealth, 22/03/2011 5:59 am, for a fiction when insomnia ravished me.

consuetude

it's so normal to say sorry when we have faults, when we hurt someone, when we make someone we care about upset or we abandon things we used to take care of. at this moment, let me address my apology for abandoning my blog for - forever.

i really am sorry.

call me a moody, i wont be peeved.
but it's also because my life has been so mundane.
i've been taking part time since last October at one of Cafe in Holland Village named Breko. i'm a counter staff there. yes i enjoy what ive been doing despite sometime, not gonna lie, my colleagues including my boss piss me off.
my job really is tiring. even more tiring when i have closing shift which ends at 1 am. I reach home around 1.30 am and hit my bed at almost 3 am. furthermore, i work for 3 up to 4 days in a week. can i say it's understandable if my blog has been abandoned? not mentioning my obligatory to study and piles of assignments i have to do. i really need more than 24 hours in a day.

what else? my story with Syaff?
im so not going to tell this now. im under recovery. i still have my wounds open.
but here's im giving you a clue. it's tragically over.
and i promise i'll tell you the "why" later on.

so, i'm back.
with new soul, new spirit and new blog template (not forgetting to say thank you to Lika for beautifying my blog. u are a darling), new blog name (which it used to be "The Pieces of Me" if you notice. and why it's been changed to be "Luxxie"? there will be a post regarding this change) and new blog theme.

let's just put a hope i'll keep writing on this blog and i wish you guys still willing to read my post.

xoxo,
DindaSyafiraZein