Di Sini.

Ingin rasanya saya pergi ke pondok tua yang sepi dari hingar bingar kota dan duduk di depan perapian. Saya ingin melihat api yang bergejolak memakan kayu-kayu lapuk perlahan dan bunyi-bunyi mementas. Saya ingin merasa hangat karena di situ saya mungkin akan merasa hidup lagi.

Yang terpenting bukan itu. Saya mengundang Tuhan duduk di depan saya. Sekedar menyeruput secongkir teh atau kopi lalu berbual lagi. Berbual tentang hidup yang kian absurd.

Kalau bahagia diciptakaan untuk dirasa, mungkin sengsara tercipta untuk disyukuri.
Tapi sayang, bahagia akan terasa manis hanya saat sengsara itu yang kian menemani. Itu. Itu yang saya ingin tanya kepada Tuhan, tentang keabadian dan keadilan. Entah bahagia — dan untungnya sengsara pun jua, tidak ada yang abadi. Kalau memang itu bentuk dari keadilannya, saya lalu mau bertanya, kenapa lalu sengsara lebih menyiksa? Apa karena rasa sedih jauh lebih sengit dibanding rasa bahagia?

Sini Tuhan, jelaskan.
Saya hanya butuh sedikit pengertian dan penjelasan itu.
Karena saya tahu, Engkau mampu melakukan hal-hal mustahil.
Dan cukup untuk engkau tau bahwa mustahil bagi saya untuk membenciMu walau sungguh, hidup terus terasa pahit akhir-akhir ini.

Jelasakan Tuhan, lalu buktikan.

what's stopping you from saying "I love you"?

I used to think (I do still, actually) that speaking or writing about love is kind of lame. It just sounds cheesy and rather naïve. However, you can't blame me for that since I have several reasons on defending myself; i.e "is love story between me and him supposed to be shared? does anyone give a damn of it??"

but well.. I happened to check my facebook just now. I read some recent updates from some of my facebook friends who are literally strangers. They — coincidentally — are boys. The statuses are saying about how they miss their girlfriends, how they really adore their girlfriends's hair and how they regret ignoring her that make her angry. They even copy some lyrics of songs that quite well known and add on their own words to emphasize it. Briefly, these guys confess and show their feelings towards their partner publicly.

amazingly, I smiled reading that. I didn't find it lame. I didn't think they are doing non sense. Instead, I was amazed by the fact there are guys who can publicly confess their true feelings on a social network in which the possibility of people reading them is quite big! I'm impressed by their effort, I completely adore them.

Am I being over? No. Why? First, prolly because its so rare of me nowadays to find men doing so. People these days decided to make their relationship story private. It's such confidential until they caught in a fight and they just can't stand not to brag or whine and because they have no one to talk to they decided to put some statuses with angst which at times full of dirty words or really sounds so emo and that's what I call "LAME".

Second, it beats the hell of my conviction that there's no more existence of loyal guys in the whole entire universe. They are becoming extinct. Let me get this straight. As I was saying above that nowadays people choose to keep their relationship private which means, they try hard not to share it publicly, which also means people might not know that they are actually attached. With that being said, there's some possibility of your partner cheat on you behind your back as people are innocently not knowing your relationship status. To make sense, by putting those kind of statutes on facebook, it implies that your man or your girl is enough being honest to let the world know that they feel enough to have you and how much you mean to them and won't let anyone fill in your place. I'm sure you get what I'm saying rite?

So yes, I was smiling when I read that. It got me to think, to feel and to ponder on how it feels to be that girl whom the partner proclaim their love to public in such a simple way? It sure must feel so good. and it must have been ages for me not receiving that kind of treatment till makes me trying to put myself on those girls's shoes in order to know what they feel.

It must feel damn good to know your partner is telling the world he just made his girl cry and he regrets it. It must feel too good to know your partner is telling the world you look so pretty on a date you had last nite. It must feel very good to know that he is saying "I love you" to you and let the world know it.

He might not directly say "I LOVE YOU" to you, but can't you comprehend that he's saying that in different ways? Yes darling, by putting those statuses on facebook, he wants his friends — to whom some of them are his exes, your foes, your exes, your frenemies or even your family members — know that he's vaguely saying "I LOVE YOU" to you.

Doesn't it feel nice when you happen to read your partner statuses or tweets which are talking about how proud they are to have you? to know that he's counting down to the date you will have on the weekend? I'm pretty sure it will make your day. Be that person, be the one who says it out publicly to make your partner happy.

You can say it. You can always say it — directly or indirectly, in public or private, you choose. A thing to borderline, if you wanna do it publicly, make sure you don't do it too often and in a appropriate way as there's a chance for people who happen to read it get sick of you and they might as well unfriend you from their facebook friends or worse, you will get insulted by them on twitter.

You somehow need to say it as a form of recognition. Who doesn't want to be recognized publicly anyway? No matter how confidential your relationship is, deep down inside her heart, she wants to be recognized, to be acknowledged that this guy is her only man and no girl is entitled to steal him from her. This could also be the reason for her to keep holding on and think that this relationship is worth the struggle.

You should just say what you feel — and sometimes publicly. Don't be afraid that you won't get a nice feedback. Loving someone isn’t about what they say back. In fact, if you really love someone, it shouldn’t matter in the slightest whether or not they love you too—you love them not as a means of asking them for something, but because you just, very simply, do.

To that end, you shouldn’t be afraid to say it. Not many people have the opportunity to love or be loved, and if you’ve allocated your affection wisely, even if your love doesn’t love you the same way, they will respect and be humbled by your proclamation. And it will probably make them feel great about themselves, which is something you should definitely want the person you love to feel.

There are thousand ways to say 'I love you". Not necessarily straightforward in oral, like I said, do it on your own way so long as you really mean it. It would be best if you want to let the world know it, because even only a status on facebook, a simple tweet with their name mentioned, some lyrics of your love songs or any other vague "I love you" that you utter, it could mean the world for her — or him.

Trust me, it never fails.



I love you,
DindaZein♥

I beg of You

God, what are you trying to say to me?
What are you gonna tell me?
Failures after failures.
Problems after problems.
What do they mean??

Am I supposed to give up?
Am I supposed to stop?

Can we talk about 'righteous' now?

I keep failing but I never give up as I know, you hate it.
I keep trying because I know.. I know I can make it.

Nothing is impossible rite?
NOTHING.
I believe in you, even after all the rejection I've got. After all the failur I've been through, I never lose my faith in you.
Because I know, You are always there.

You listen my prayers. You hear my scream. You indirectly talk to me in anyway possible.
I believe there's such miracle, for nothing you can't do.
I believe there's second chance, for you're Ar - Rahman.
I believe you know how much I want to be succeed, for you know what's inside my heart.

I believe in You, Almighty Allah.
You are the only one I worship, the only one that I believe, (even after all rejection I've got) will grant my prayers.

So here I am..
surrender myself while trying..
put my head down on you
wishing that for this time, you will hear my prayers and grant it.

because I know nothing is impossible for you.

I have faith in You, Allah.
I never lose it even for just once.